I had always been fascinated by the idea of love. Because of that, when one of my classmates in middle school started courting me, I only gave him two weeks before I said yes. We dated for a few months, but we drifted apart right before high school because he needed to move to another city and did not want a long-distance thing.
Although I was heartbroken, I decided to move on and look for another love. I eventually found it in a senior student in my school. This relationship was different because my boyfriend turned out to be sexually active and – surprise, surprise – lost my virginity to him.
While that boyfriend was great in the sack, I had to go of him because he kept on wanting to sleep with other girls. He might have done that – I did not care to investigate further – but I was glad that it was over.
In the next five years, I continued to look for love and always thought that the man I was with was “the one.” But more often than not, whenever I was really close to believing that a particular guy was my Prince Charming, he would turn out to be one of those dummies who knew how to dress and talk well.
After college, I thought I was way past players. Heck, I already went through my fair share of them; I was ready to settle down. That’s when I met Levy.
Talk About Finding Gold…
Levy was not like all the other boyfriends I had. For one, he was ten years older than me, so I assumed that he was more than ready to settle down than any other guy around my age. He had made it in life as well, given his successful restaurant business. And if I was honest, he was hotter than the men in my past.
In hopes of speeding things up, I agreed to shack up with Levy when he suggested it. I had never lived with any of my exes until now, so I genuinely believed that Levy was THAT serious about our relationship.
Levy and I lived like typical honeymooners for a few blissful months, and I would wake up every day wondering, “Is this the day when he would propose to me?”
…And Getting Conned With Brass
Two years quickly passed, and I saw no sign of Levy asking me to marry him. Frustrated and drunk, I confronted him one day about it. I got the most brutal slap in the face (albeit metaphorically) when he told me that he was not ready to settle down yet. Levy even said, “We are enjoying our lives right now. Why do we need a piece of paper to bind us?”
Levy’s statement was so wrong in so many ways that I did not bother to answer him. I just packed my clothes and left. The funny part was, Levy did not even bother to call me or look for me. It was another indication that he was only focused on having fun without the long-term commitment that I wanted.
Since my departure was unplanned, I did not manage to find an apartment at once. I went to the only other person who understood me: my best friend, who also happened to be a counselor. I have never done counseling in my life, but when I told her about what happened with my failed relationship, she told me a few things that I should never do for love again.
Turn Into A Yes Woman
The worst thing about my last relationship was that I wanted the man to love me so bad that I never said no to everything he wanted. When Levy asked me to live with him, I said yes. Whenever he told me he needed to go somewhere, I said sure. In return, I started to lose parts of my true self.
Keep Waiting To Realize My Love Goals
Another issue was that I did not make my dream of settling down known from the beginning. In my defense, it was because I knew that marriage talks could be intimidating for guys, especially when you are a new couple. I also did not want to seem pushy or clingy in my man’s eyes, so I gave him enough time to develop the same goals.
However, I know now that I should have mentioned my end goal initially. If I did, I would’ve known that marriage was not in Levy’s plans before we even lived together.
Look For Love
My best friend also advised me to stop looking for love. “Love becomes more elusive when you put so much effort in finding it. Let it come to you instead,” she said.
The reality was that I did not believe a single thing that my best friend said to me that day. I thought that all counselors like her were somewhat programmed to say something like that. But since she let me stay in her home, I decided to heed her tips and bided my time to get to know a man before going exclusive with him.
It took three years before love found me, but I would say that it was undoubtedly worth every minute I spent waiting for it.